Another 50 Questions....

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
That while I think I have had some wild nights in my life, there must have been heavy doses of both Tequila and GHB to make this even possible (or at least $5 and a couple of beers.)

2. Do you trust all of your friends? If I call you my friend, the trust in intention is always there. We all act with the interest of self-preservation. Sometimes that can come out a little funny in conversation or actions and can feel awkward. Though, I have a handful of people who I trust completely and would stand by for anything….and armloads of people I would like to create more space to get to know.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Nothing is out of the question for the future…. but I’m not the type of girl to follow someone anywhere…except to a bar….and I would not ask someone to stay somewhere for me…not even the bar!! And I have much self work to do right where I am, before I’m really open to the possibility. So…until then…… see your ass at the bar!

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. Or at least that there is reason in everything that happens. Find the lesson, find the growth.

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Yes!!! All I have to do is 100 lap dances and I’m there.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Hard to say… I’ve been told I’m an unwilling patient.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
I am a little concerned that I will try to stuff what I think is “falling in love” in the space that I need to create right now for “self love” and not get to where I need to be before involving someone else. As Sarah Silverman puts it, “all the penises in the galaxy won’t fill your heart hole up.” She also says “you can't put your arms around a dirty gang-bang cum shot, but that's all you get.” That may not be as relevant to this question, but still prolific.

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
If you’ve spent more than 10 minutes with me, you know my tendency for randomness is both a blessing and a curse that could either amuse you or drive you nuts…so yes, of course. And please flatter yourself, at one time or another, it was surely you.

10. What’s your most favorite scar?
But I have so many! And seem to create more on a daily basis. Probably my favorite is the scar on my lip where I fell in the airport in Hawaii when I was 2. Just the mental image of toddler me running away from my parents in an airport and slamming into the ground so hard I had to be taken to the emergency room on vacation is ABSOLUTELY still the hyper clutz I am today…

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
As opposed to flying in a saucer? So glad for the clarification. Hmmm, I guess Vegas…Jenny’s wedding, 2006. Wow. Time for a trip.

12. What did the last text message you sent say? Some whiny stuff about how I am sick (not mentally, but stuffed up…though I’m sure there are texts somewhere about the first as well!)

13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
I like my women like I like my beer…frigid on initial contact, but that go down easy.
But Seriously - What do I like in a girl? Me!
No, really….Presence, humor, intelligence, silliness… I am attracted to people who are comfortable with themselves and have their own life which I can be a part of, yet not become. Physical Features? Not really drawn to one thing….but a sucker for a warm smile.

14. Fill in the blank. I love:
I love the nightlife. I got to boogie. (And, really, this is more of a finish the sentence than fill in the blank.)

15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
a successful bowel movement. (Hey…gotta love smart goals! Poop is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and HOPEFULLY, timely.)

16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
I have faith anyone I might want to call would already be by my side or on the way.

17. How many kids do you want to have?
I really want to be clever here, but everything I am thinking of typing borders on child abuse and/or pedophilia, and damn if some people just don’t find those things funny.

18. Would you make a good parent?
If I chose to take on that amazing responsibility, I would do everything in my power to do my best. Presently, I look at my self, plants, and pets and think I have some work to do before taking on anything else. Translation: NOT NO, BUT HELL TO THA NO.

19. Where was your profile picture taken?
In my backyard as a child. Not only am I not putting all my eggs in one basket, I am not putting them down at all—just holding as much as I can of them ‘til they are gone…which is also my strategy with beer and women.

20. What’s your middle name?
You don’t need to know. Just call me SIR.

21. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
That I have highly underestimated the joy in breathing through both nostrils and swallowing comfortably. (And no…don’t even go there on the swallowing).

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
Either the fact that my mom cut my bangs at home before my 2nd grade school picture, or maybe the holocaust. It’s really a toss up.
But seriously, I can’t change the past. All I can do is create my best self in the present, so why bother fixating.

23. Who would be the maid of honor in your wedding?
I may as well just say Hello Kitty, because it isn’t happening...ever.

24. What are you wearing right now?
You’re going to have to pay me something to get that description. I assure you that, as usual, it is hotness beyond your wildest imagination. (Maybe if you pay for chat, I will only have to do 99 lap dances to get to that dollar.)

25. Righty or Lefty?
As far as politics? Way left.
As far as handedness? Righty….though I have a decent level of ambidexterity. Wanna see? ;-)

26. Best place to eat?
Home……
Hmmm…..I’ve always heard that “it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home.” I don’t really agree, though. I’m not saying your appetite won’t be aroused elsewhere every so often, but you’ve got to have the tasty goodness at home if you’re going to plan long term menus there. It may take some creativity and refining, but it is about respecting your palate.

27. Favorite jeans?
Show me what ya got, girl… may just be yours.

28. Favorite animal?
Got to channel Neko Case on this one…. It’s my favorite song off the new album:

“you could say it’s my instinct/yes, I still have one/there’s no time to second guess it
yes there are things that I’m still so afraid of /but my courage is roaring like the sound of the sun
cause it’s vain about its mane and will reveal them to no one /and I’m an animal, you’re an animal too
pick up that rock, drink from that lake /I do my best but I’m made of mistakes
yes, there are still things I’m still quite sure of /I love you this hour, this hour today
and heaven will smell like the airport/but I may never get there to prove it/so let’s not waste our time thinking how that ain’t fair
I’m an animal, you’re an animal too”

29. Favorite juice?
See answer to #27 above.

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes, as a child, but just a light case. But, otherwise chicken related… I have never done the chicken dance. Not even once.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
Yay….another opportunity to whine to the world about how right now at this very minute, I am SICK with a clogged nose and very sore throat. I need much spicy Thai soup and ginger tea with honey…or maybe just lots of Whiskey and Xanax and bed.


32. Ever had a bar fight?
No, I am a lover, not a fighter….though I did have an interesting encounter with a bar stool once. It threw me right off and on to the floor of the Palms. Wow. Hello, 1990s, I remember you, sort of.

33. Who knows you the best?
Different people know different parts of me best. That’s the draw of having a varied group of people in my life. What parts can I show you?

34. Shoe size?
8 ½ Wide. Got to be wide. Against my better judgment I will confess it probably needs to be at least 8 ½ as well….. (Hmm…why I bring judgment in at this point of the survey, who knows?)

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Glasses. I have to wear them to see even short distances, but I’m quick to throw them off as soon as I am in a place where I don’t have to focus- much like my pants.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Fight, no.
Power struggles, yes.
Pet wins…of course.

37. Been to Mexico?
“Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run…I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun” Okay, maybe only some of that is true…but yes, I have been to Mexico.

38. Did you buy something today?
Just a hooker and some Sudafed…and I am not proud of succumbing to either.

39. Did you get sick today?
Just a little speedy with the hooker while my Sudafed was kicking in.

40. Do you miss someone today?
Yes. There are times that missing someone is the background to everything I do…

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Just a pimp, but come on… it was a Tuesday morning. Full price, really? It just ain’t right....I was a little aggressive, but that may have just been the Sudafed talking.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
A couple of months ago. It was like tiny little kittens kneading on my back, without the cute purrs. I now preface encounters with , “I won’t say it’s too hard.” and I say that with massages too.

43. Last person to lie in your bed?
Usuallly I am the person that lies to get people into bed with me.

44. Last person to see you cry?
Probably my friend Brad. He walked in my cubicle the other day and I looked like a sad little thing. He looked shocked. For some reason I don’t think he thought I would be at my desk crying when he stopped by. What’s up with all that? People don’t just sit at their desk and cry?

45. Who made you cry?
No one made me cry. I am 100% responsible for my own reactions……Well, at least when they are shitty. Don’t worry, if I laugh or come, I’ll give you that.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
The season premiere of Greek. Don’t judge. DVRed….at Midnight…..Okay, judge. I don’t really give a fuck.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Hopefully a sunshine laden walk followed by a sunny patio. Oh, shit…wait. This is the weekend I’m supposed to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and stuff myself with Marshmallow Peeps…so add that too.

48. Who do you think will repost this?
Maybe Jesus. if the resurrection timing is right. Facebook would be a good platform for a second coming. Tag me, Jesus, Tag me.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
A small wave of tarheel fans that included some fun girls who helped me know when to clap, a couple of my best buddies…and beer. Did I mention that beer showed up too?

50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say? That it is pretty forward of them to consider themselves my significant other without me knowing….and oh, ummm….no wedding. Have we not covered that?